Daniel My Brother

I just got home a few minutes ago from visiting my brother, Daniel, who is back in the hospital. He had to be readmitted after spending a month in there approximately six weeks ago. They had to amputate his leg below the knee when he was last there due to blood clots in his leg. It seems he waited too long to go to the ER because he initially thought that the pain that he was experiencing in his leg was from his rheumatoid arthritis. It appears several clots developed during that time.

They tried to save his leg but had to amputate below the knee. He has since developed sepsis and now they need to amputate more of his leg; his prognosis isn’t good. The thought of my brother losing a limb was devastating to us all and now they need to amputate more.

I feel like I’m surrounded by so much death and sadness dealing with my health, worried about taking care of Mom, always thinking about Sue and now Danny.

He is being sedated because of the pain and was asleep when I arrived. I had to wear a plastic gown and gloves because of the sepsis. I stood by his bed and whispered to him it’s me, I came to see you. He opened his eyes really big and looked at me like he was stunned to see me there. I wondered if he thought that he was seeing Sue again. The first time that I visited him at the hospital, he told me that he had to look twice because he thought I was Sue.

As he laid in bed looking at me, I told him I loved him. I also told him that he had a circle of women (his wife, daughters, sisters and Mom) that love him and I named each one of us one by one including Sue. I then prayed asking God to protect him and keep him from feeling any pain.

I didn’t stay very long and before I left, I told him again that I loved him. He was in and out of it because of the sedation but it didn’t stop him from mouthing the words I love you. He also tried to mouth the words that he was surprised to see me. Surprisingly, he was able to tell my sister in law, Marie, that I visited when she came to see him later in the day. I was shocked and happy that he remembered.

Because I am still recovering from my spinal surgery, I traveled wearing my back brace with an ice pack inside to help the pain and swelling. The hospital is about 45 minutes away and I think I was only there about 15 minutes or so. I had to leave because he was sleeping and it was just too hard to see him like that. This is all a bit too much for me to handle right now.

“Daniel” by Elton John

Daniel is travelling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain
Oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye
God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes

They say Spain is pretty though I’ve never been
Well Daniel says it’s the best place that he’s ever seen
Oh and he should know, he’s been there enough
Lord I miss Daniel, oh I miss him so much

Daniel my brother you are older than me
Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won’t heal
Your eyes have died but you see more than I
Daniel you’re a star in the face of the sky

Daniel is travelling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain
Oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye
God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes
Oh God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes

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