Twists And Turmoil

After my lung surgery in June, I took time to recuperate and finish up taking care of my Mom’s affairs. I was in the hospital to remove another lung tumor two weeks after she passed so I didn’t have much time to get things done.

As the weeks passed by all seemed well. Summer had just started and for the first time in a while, I could focus on taking care of myself. I had a new lease on life and I intended on making the most of it.

Around the third week of July,  I developed what felt like a  cramp or Charley horse in my right calf. The spasm wasn’t as intense as the kind that wakes you in the middle of the night; instead, it was very gradual.  I thought it could just be a knotted muscle but I was a little bit concerned. I used to run for miles and never had that kind of a cramp in my right leg.  Performing my calf stretches didn’t seem to help either.

Dr. Patterson sent me for an MRI but I really didn’t think too much about it, I really didn’t.  I just thought they needed to see what was causing my muscle spasm. In my mind, I thought that there was no way that I could have another tumor so soon.

The day after the MRI, I was shattered when I received a phone from Dr. Patterson’s office telling me that I had to come in.

NO!!!!!…not again…this can’t be happening.

The MRI showed there was a mass but it couldn’t definitively confirm that it was another tumor so I was scheduled for a Pet scan.  I became scared, really scared. If this is another sarcoma, it’s fast and furious. It has only been six weeks since I was in the hospital for the tumor in my lung. I’m not ready to go anywhere just yet, I really feel that I have more work to do on this earth.

My husband, Larry and I met with Dr. Patterson and the results from the Pet scan are in. I have another tumor in my good (right) leg located in the gastrocnemius (calf) muscle. I’m trying to somehow prepare myself mentally for my passing; if that’s even possible. This is the third tumor within 8 months and the second one in only 6 weeks. I’m trying to be at peace with it but I don’t want to leave my family. I know this is really very hard on them. When Sue was sick, she once said that if the roles were reversed and it was me in her shoes, she didn’t know how she would handle it. 

Now it’s me whose heart is breaking for my family. I’m so sad that they have to go through this because of me and I know how hard it is losing someone….I just keep praying for strength and acceptance… surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, August 20th.

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