Posted On September/2019
My birthday is in three days; I’m have feelings of trepidation before it as I have for the past six years. I am so grateful to be alive, absolutely a reason to celebrate but also very bittersweet because I miss my twin sister, Sue and this will be my first birthday without my Mom.
I will be attending a Jack Canfield (author of Chicken Soup For The Soul) seminar on my birthday and I think the timing is excellent. My intention for my birthday is to embrace the day while celebrating Sue and I with happy memories.
After 30 days, I finally gave myself my last heparin shot in the stomach and I visited with my doctor for my post surgery visit. I was so enthusiastic telling him about my change in attitude, my change in diet and how well I am healing. My doctor is usually very positive but this time, his demeanor concerned me. He asked me if I had reconsidered getting chemotherapy to which I said no. His concern is because this last leg tumor was the third one in eight months. He made a comment that hopefully there won’t be more tumors and if there is, hopefully, it will be in my leg again instead of a major organ.
The comments about the chemo and recurrence of another tumor kind of brought me down a little; I’m not allowing it to bring me down a lot but I have to admit it did. I sometimes wonder if I am delusional but I know in my heart that I have to stay positive. Even if there is a possibility of another tumor on the horizon for right now, I can’t dwell on that. I have to live for now, live like I am healed.
As I was doing research for my blog, I came across the blog of a man who had head and neck cancer and was diagnosed in November of 2015. He wrote about how he read other peoples’ blogs and being saddened when he learned that they passed. As I read through his blog, I learned that he too passed this past July…it really upset me. I don’t want that to be me; I want to tell my story but on a positive note and give hope and peace to others.
If there is one thing that I learned from Sue’s passing; it’s to never take anyone for granted; don’t ever assume that they are always going to be there. I know that Sue is with me but I really wish that she were here in person to help me through this journey. Maybe she’s helping me more from the other side than she could have here. A twin is a twin always. I often wonder when people ask if I have any brothers or sisters, do say I was a twin or I am a twin? I choose the latter, I am, it is who I am, I am a twin! Whether she is here or in Heaven, she is still a part of me.
On this birthday and every day, I choose to embrace my life. This disease has taught me how very much I want to live. Life can be so wonderful; it is truly a gift…one that I am truly grateful for. Sometimes it isn’t easy but I’m alive, I’m still alive and that means a lot.