Learning To Walk Again

Just finished meditating in the garden; I treasure these mornings; it’s so nice to sit outside and feel the sun on my face while my eyes are closed. I feel like I’m in my own natural sanctuary surrounded by colorful summer flowers, magical humming birds, bright yellow finches and the sounds of crickets and birds chirping together in harmony.

Yesterday was already 3 months since Mommy passed; I can’t believe it’s three months already. This summer has just been a blur of loses and hospitalizations for me. Meditating, however, helps me to focus on the good and helps to heal me both mentally and physically.

On a much happier and positive note, I have worked very hard making some real progress and as a result, I am out of my wheelchair!!!!  I’ve been performing very painful stretching exercises on a daily basis and last week, I attempted standing on my own. Once I mastered standing, I started getting up and walking ever so slowly with one crutch under my right arm. My goal was to surprise my children and the rest of the family by Labor Day weekend. We were invited to (my daughter in law) Christa’s parent’s house for a Labor Day weekend party; the last time that everyone saw me I was in a sling and in a wheel chair.

In what seemed like a miracle, I surprised everyone by walking in. It was a very emotional moment; me slowly walking with the help of my Larry and my cane, hugging my boys proclaiming through tears, I can walk! I don’t need the wheelchair!

I am getting stronger every day and feel like I am healing faster with this surgery than any other surgery that I have had before…it’s amazing.  I started physical therapy this past week and I’m not even using a cane anymore! They stretched me out and showed me what I can do to help improve my gait and it’s paying off big time which of course makes me super happy.  I’m maintaining my positivity, living, breathing and believing it.

It’s time to start radiation (again) so today I’m going to the hospital to get the mold made of my leg. They will also tattoo dots on my leg to help them direct the radiation beams.  I’m melancholy; I’m happy to see Dr. Sim and the radiation technicians (they were so kind to me the last time that I was there) but the thought of another 35 rounds of radiation is a bit of a letdown. When I was last there, I prayed that I would never have to come back. When I called to schedule the appointment, I learned that Joe, the kind man who made the mold of my leg and tattooed me the last time, passed away at the young age of 41 from a brain tumor. It broke my heart; this disease does not spare or discriminate against anyone.  He was only married 5 years with 4 year old twin boys and a two year old baby but his legacy carries on.

I got to see my girls this week and had a wonderful time playing with Ava and Brielle. As I always say, my grandchildren are the best medicine for me. My grand babies are the lights of my life; they keep me going, help me to forget, give me strength and hope. Of course I get strength from my Larry, my boys, their wives and my puppy Joey but the grand babies….they’re just something special! 

Learning to walk again has been such a boost for my morale and shows me that I have power, the power to help heal myself…we all do.

Walk
By The Foo Fighters

A million miles away
Your signal in the distance
To whom it may concern
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return

Learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
Learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough?
Where do I begin?

Do you remember the days
We built these paper mountains
Then sat and watched them burn?
I think I found my place
Can't you feel it growing stronger?
Little conquerors

Learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
Learning to talk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?

Now
For the very first time
Don't you pay no mind?
Set me free again
To keep alive a moment at a time
But still inside a whisper to a riot
To sacrifice but knowing to survive
The first to climb another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm praying for a sign
Forever, whenever
I never wanna die

I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I'm on my knees
I never wanna die
I'm dancing on my grave
I'm running through the fire
Forever, whenever
I never wanna die

I never wanna leave
I'll never say goodbye
Forever, whenever
Forever, whenever

Learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
Learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough?
Where do I begin?

Learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough?

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