Angels From Above

Wednesday, January 1st, 2020,

Yesterday was New Year’s Eve and for the first time in my life, I spent it in a hospital bed.

My good friends Jack & Lisa came to visit me and we had such a nice time. We kept it upbeat sharing funny stories as we reminisced about the past. If they hadn’t come, I would have spent the night alone; Larry hasn’t been able to visit me because he has the flu.

I felt fine when they got here but as the night went on, my throat started to feel funny so I had them test me and I tested positive. Jack and Lisa ended up having to leave early and I was put in quarantine.

Even though I’m isolated now because of the flu, I try not to talk too much with anyone on the phone because I keep crying and getting chest pains.

I’m pretty scared and I’m trying to come to peace with everything. I plan on writing letters to everyone in my family and do the best that I can without getting very upset.

I wrote one to Larry and I need to finish the rest. I want to have these done before anything happens to me. I’m also going to record the messages on my phone so that my family can listen to them and hear my voice when I’m gone.

I’ve had so many terrible things happen this year. No one can believe all that I have been through. But it’s not just me going through hell; my family has too.

Despite how hard it’s been, I am blessed to be surrounded with so much love. I really am so blessed. I could say why me about the cancer but I could also say why me about being blessed with having so much love surrounding me. So, that’s how I choose to look at it; I am very blessed.

I know that we all have to go one day and I know that I have some awesome, awesome people that I love waiting for me even though I don’t want to go yet. I’m just praying that I will be able to still be with my family here on earth in some way when I transition.

I know that Susie and Mom give me plenty of signs, so I’m hoping that I can do the same and maybe my family will be able to feel my presence too. I may no longer necessarily be a part of their lives physically but hopefully I will be aware of what’s going on in their lives and get to watch my grandbabies grow. Maybe I can be their angel watching over and helping them from above.

My nurse came and took me for a walk with a mask on and just getting out of this room helped a lot. When I came back, a woman named, Christine, who is a physician assistant came to see me. She appeared to be in her late thirties and to my surprise, told me that she had heart surgery over ten years ago and was really, really, really close to death. She was almost gone when her ex who heard about her condition, came to see her. They ended up getting back together and had two children together.

It was a beautiful story. She shared it with me to give me hope. She also talked about how good meditating is for me and how important it is to stay positive. Listening to Christine helped. It definitely helped and it was as if she was an angel sent from above.

I told Christine about how I lost Mommy and Danny this year within 9 days of each other. I showed her their memorial prayer cards from their funerals that I keep on my table here along with a beautiful cross and angel that Jack brought me last night. As I showed her, I told her that I haven’t dreamt or received signs from Mom since I’ve been hospitalized. And then low and behold, after she left, I got a sign from above from Mom. I happened to look at my phone and it was six O four. She passed on June 4th and that’s the sign that she gives me to let me know that she is around. That makes me so happy; it really helped me. I’m so happy. I’m so happy. Six O four! God bless her. No matter how old you are, you still need your Mom especially when you are sick.

So, tomorrow is a big day. It looks like I will be getting some tests tomorrow including the cardiac MRI that was supposed to be scheduled for today and I’m hoping that they will heavily sedate me. I usually tough it out and get my scans without sedation but now I see no reason not to take the easier road and be sedated now.

I’m probably going to need other tests but I don’t know what they will be or when. The neurologist says that I’m definitely going to need surgery but all of the doctors need to consult first. I’m hoping to get some answers which will hopefully help me mentally.

I’m really going to try my best to stay positive and not break down. I keep saying how hard it is for my family; crying in front of them doesn’t help. So, I choose to try to make it easier for them by keeping a sense of humor along with a stiff upper lip.

I have no idea what’s in store for me this year. But you know what, I’m still going to take it one day at a time putting my faith and trust in God and his Angels from above.


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