Bit of a rough day, it started when I had to use the bathroom in the middle of the night around 1:00 am. The doorway to the bathroom is narrow so I can only wheel myself to the door and then try to hold onto my walker that has a handle in the center because I can’t use both arms. After I get up, I gently slide my (good) left foot from side to side to get closer to the toilet. I wasn’t wearing my skid resistant socks when I got up and slipped while trying to maneuver my way in. I only put a teeny bit of pressure on the recently operated leg before it twisted, I slipped, and I really hurt myself. I managed to get myself back to bed and woke up still in pain and upset about it. 

When I went got up, I accidentally took a double dose of my antidepressant. I got really scared and tried to make myself throw up but couldn’t so I called the pharmacy and was assured that I would be Ok…a little extra tired but OK. What a dope! Later on, I got up and wheeled myself into the living room and I ended up running over my damn toe!  I think I broke it!  I have to use my left leg to help guide me to keep from going in circles since I can’t use my left arm to wheel myself around.  That was it….the final straw to set me off and make me a mess. In hindsight, I had to laugh at myself over this comedy of errors!

In spite of how my day started, I did manage to turn it around and finish it felling so much better. I was lying in bed trying to find something to watch on TV when a suggestion for a documentary called Heal popped up on my screen. Considering the timing, I decided it was worth checking out.  Heal detailed amazing true stories about the healing of people who are living with various types of chronic illnesses including stage 4 cancer who have used holistic medicine to help heal them. They utilized energy healing, nutritional counseling, and the power of positive thinking to make an impact on their healing and health.  The documentary does not endorse using these methods in place of traditional medical treatments. It does provide you with information about how to complement your treatment with alternative therapies.

As I watched the documentary, I felt a switch turn on inside of me. I felt as if Heal was made just for me and it was divine intervention that caused me to see this inspirational film.

When that switch turned on inside of me, my thought patterns began to change. Before watching Heal, if I bumped into the wall while wheeling myself to the bathroom, my first reaction would be to yell how I hated the wheelchair. After watching Heal, instead of cursing my chair, I became grateful for this chair instead of resenting it and the reason for it. If I didn’t have this chair, how would I get around?!

I never truly realized how damaging stress can be to the body and how important positive thinking is for your physical health.  I have been saying that I’m staying positive but deep down, I doubted that I could beat this. Since my initial diagnosis, I always felt in the back of my mind that my time was limited.  Not anymore…I know now that I have to stay positive, I have to believe with all of my heart that I can be that person who is in the 1% that can make it and for the first time, I do. 

I have no doubt that the stress of the illnesses and passing of Danny and Mommy had an impact on my immune system and health possibly contributing to the cancer resurgence.  I now plan on changing my diet, my attitude and getting Reiki treatments.  I learned that the hospital where I will be getting radiation offers it for free to the cancer patients getting treatment along with nutritional counseling.

All in all, my day ended much better because my daughter in law, Christa, her mom, Christol and my son, Rich along with my beautiful granddaughter, Brielle came over to visit.

Having family and friends around is such a huge help in so many ways. I know that Larry is happy for me whenever anyone comes to visit because of how happy it makes me; especially my grand babies! 

I see Dr. Patterson this Friday for my follow up visit. He will let me know when I can begin radiation. I’m not looking forward to it but I am anxious to get both radiation and physical therapy behind me so that I begin to move forward with this next chapter of my life. Hopefully, I will be able to heal and for the first time in a long time, I can focus on taking care of me.

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