No More Zombie Days

Tuesday, January 28th, 2020

It is now three weeks and two days, since I was discharged from the hospital. It is also the third day that I have gone all day without crying!

It may not seem like a big deal but for me right now, three days without crying is huge and I really hope that I can keep this going. I want to inspire my family, not add to their grief.

I’m feeling better and maybe it’s because I decided to stop living like a zombie on Xanax 24/7. I have been able to do some lite chores and I think moving around has definitely helped me.

I met with the hospice social worker, Sharon today and our visit was uplifting. I told her how I had planned on creating a website before I was hospitalized for the mass in the heart and she is really encouraging me to move forward with it now.

My logic had been that if I only have weeks to live, what’s the point? Sharon was wonderful, she said “Well, what if you have more time than that? Wouldn’t it be good to create something that will give you purpose?”

The first two weeks that I was home, I was consumed with shock and disbelief. I had to get my affairs in order, plan my funeral and so forth. And then by last week it was like, okay, I got all of that done. Now what do I do with myself? Do I just sit around here and wait to die? So, I think I am going to take Sharon’s advice and get to work on it. Perhaps it will be good to share my story and to help others to know how to safely use mobile devices.

I’m still trying to come to terms with the idea that shortly I will be gone. However, my intention right now is to continue moving forward with positivity while working on my site. I don’t know how much time I have, but whatever I do have, I’m not going to waste it by laying around like a zombie.

I’m excited to say that my good friend Paul Gourhan, who I have not seen, in at least 25 years is coming down to visit and help me get the website started. Paul and I went to high school together; he is a very talented artist and creating websites is what he does for a living. I’m very happy that he is taking the time to help me.

I’m starting to feel a little stronger and it has been so wonderful to see my kids, all of them, the grown up ones and the little ones on a regular basis. I didn’t realize how much I miss my family. Just having them around is so good, so, so good.

I’m taking everything one step at a time; enjoying my family and embracing life without feeling like a zombie!


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